From the top Shelf

Tears of Love has had so many responses since it was posted on Rob's Sight.I have been asked when was there going to be more.It is rather lengthy so I might have to delete some chapters from time to time,to add more.For those who need to see the first few chapters need to go to this sight!For others I hope you enjoy it and let me know.

So here it is THE TEARS OF LOVE

What fell from his eyes and squeezed her tight, kissing her forehead he said. "I'll take care of you, if you'll let me."
Sometime later when he knew she fell asleep he moved to lay her down on the couoch. She opened her eyes and he saw the fear again, she moaned "No, don't leave me." He hushed her and laid beside her holding her in his arms and she slept again. It was a long time before Parker could go to sleep wondering what could trouble this young beautiful woman, He felt she would have a lot of love to give if she could just relax and open up, he finally slept.
Voices and smells of food and rattling dishes woke her. She looked at the kind face of her friend who smiled at her. She smiled and kissed him lightly on the lips. He kissed her and said "Good morning beautiful." and he got up off the couch. They ate breakfast fairly silently and she helped Jean Marie feed the kids and clean up the kitchen. It was going to be a warm day and Gary asked "Do you want to go back home?"
"No we did plan one more day right?"
"Yes but I thought." She interupted him saying.
"I'm fine, really what will we do today?"
They fished some more and while they weren't catching much she and Parker went for a walk. They stopped at a huge tree with one fallen limb, which they sat crosslegged on. He held her hand, kissing it he said "You know I love you don't you?" She nodded her head but said.
"But you won't"
"yes I will nothing will change that. I guess I never thought I would get over Cara, but I have. I have tried dating other women, but I want you, and to be near you."
"You must forget me, because I'll never get over this. It's an ugly past that keeps haunting me wherever I go or whatever I do."
"Let me help you forget."
'I can't I've tried, nothing helps."
"Well you haven't had us."
"Nothing is going to help this, it's here." She pointed to her head and heart. Parker kissed her hand again saying. "You're wrong I'll show you, trust me."
He lifted her head and kissed her lips gently, and felt her arms circle his neck. Kissing her more still tenderly she relaxed , kissing him back. His words Trust me kept filling her head, she wanted to so much. He made her feel so good, and so right. They twisted their heads burning their leps into each others. He pushed her head back kissing her neck and throat. She giggled and moaned as he continued and she dug her nails into his shoulder. She moaned again as he whispered in her ear. 'Let me love you, and make love to you. I'll show you it won't be like you remember."
She kissed hs full as the romance story she knew by heart filled her mind, it was like this. She remembered the gentleness and the love she felt through those two, between those pages. She opened her mouth to receive his probing tongue. She liked it, she imagined him and her as the hero and heroine from her favorite book. She was living it as she had many night in her dreams.
When he kissed her stronger and she moaned, he touched her back under her shirt. She froze, instead of him or her hero, she saw Jackson glaring at her and laughing. She shoved him away thinking I knew it was too good to be true. He got up following her and jerked her back to face him.
She covered her head with her arms and said, "Don't hit me." He pulled them down and was smiling at her. He wasn't angry like she thought he would be. she didn't feel threatened, as she had expecting the blows and the yelling. Instead she saw the same warmth and tenderness she felt. He said "I'm sorry I shouldn't have. I just wanted to show you it would be different. Don't run from me and don't think I would ever hit you. We can work through this." She looked at him asking "Just hold me?" and he did.
They fished some more and she got tired and sleepy in the warm sun. She laid back on a blanket they had been sitting on. The laughter and talking lulled her to sleep. Parker was inside with Tony getting something to drink. Jean Marie and Gary were enjoying the sunlight as Ida Marie watched the poles.
Susan had been sound asleep again when he came to her, and took her to that room. Again just like before she was tied to the bedposts. This time he was nice for awhile, doing the things she had learned to like. But when it was over he was laughing at her again. She thought she would never be able to leave this house, he would see to that. He told her nothing is better than fear itself, and he was everything she had to fear. He held up a jar she had seen before. She remembered she had seen it in Kacey's room.
He unscrewed the lif and laughed. He dumped out the contents on her bare leg. It was Kacey's pet spider, a big black one. She squiirmed and strained at the ropes, as she watched it slowly tickle her raw skin as it crawled up her legs and across her belly. She begged him to stop, he only laughed at her again. It was slowly crawling up her chest as if it was laughing at her fear too and enjoying it as much as he did.
Parker and Tony were coming back form the cabin laughing as Tony was teling him about the big fish that got away. Jean Marie and Gary were laughing and smooching talking about their dating days. Ida Marie was playing in the grass pulling it up and sprinkling it out.
Susan wa hearing Jackson laughing as he told her to
" enjoy the fear little one." She begged him to stop. Her scream broke the atmosphere, she sat up staring at her legs, screaming bloody murder. Gary got to her before Parker did, she was saying "Get it off." Gary was brushing off the loose grass Ida Marie had sprinkled over her, like some people cover others with sand. But the terror he saw in those eyes, wasn't from grass. She was awake now,she thought she was crying. But it was Ida Marie who was crying saying "I'm sorry."
Parker jerked her into his arms as she cried shaking awfully hard. "SSh sweetheart I'm here." She clung to him inching closer and closer to him. Ida Marie was crying and saying "I'm sorry momma I was only playing like in the sand. I didn't mean to hurt her." Jean Marie said.
"You didn't hurt her honey she was dreaming.
She held Parker tight and thought this is right, here is the safety she always dreamed of here with him. When she calmed down he kissed her forehead whispering. "It's ok sweetheart, I'll take care of you." when she calmed down she dried her eyes and blew her nose on the handkerchief he handed her. Jean Marie apologized for Ida Marie. Krolina shook her head saying "It wasn't her, tell her it's not her fault."
She pulled away from Parker whispering "I have to go." He walked to the cabin with her and she went to the bathroom. He thought he heard her vomiting. When she came out she sat on the couch. He held her shaky hands and said "Want to tell me about it?" She looked into those trusting blue eyes and she whispered. "I was just dreaming about a spider crawling up my legs. I'm scared to death of them anyway. It felt like that with the grass. It was only a dream anyway, just a dream. Like all the other nightmares
I have, they go away right?"
"Does it or does it stay bottled up in your mind?" "People have nightmares all the time don't they?"
"Yes but not all of them let the nightmares scare them when they are awake like you seem to do."
"It's just dreams, dreams can't hurt anyone can they?" Parker kissed her hands and said. "Why do you let yours then?"
"Childhood fears I guess, there's always a boogeyman in everybody's life isn't there?"
He just looked at her and she looked beyon him, bnecause she knew the boogeyman was realy in her life. But she could never tell anyone that. "I love you sweetheart." she looked at him and asked "How can you love me?"
"I just do, I love who you are, not what you have been before."
"I don't even know what love is really."
"I'll teach you, trust me. My love is stronger than any boogeyman that you might let chase you. I'll always be on the other side waiting for you, as long as you'll let me. I'll protect you and comfort you. But I can't protect you from yourself. Love is understanding and caring, opening up to one another, no matter how much it hurts. Love is everything good you ever heard of. It's laughter warmth, sympathy and tenderness, gentleness and above all this."
He kissed her with all the passion he had. He held her hand to his chest and asked "Feel it?" she felt his heart thumping rapidly. He placed her other hand on her chest and she also felt her own heart beating as fast as his. She also felt the warmth the same way she felt when she read about those two in the story book. She could feel the same way they felt. He kissed her hands and hugged her.
They went back and fished the rest of the afternoon and Karolina never letf Parker's side. Wherever he was she was there, that was where she felt safe. Safe from her Boogeyman. Parker wouldn't let it get to her. She knew he wouldn't let him take her away again. they ate fish again for dinner and she loved it more. She remarked how she ahd never had fresh fish before, and how much she nejoyed catching them.
When she helped put the kids to bed, Tony had wanted to sleep over in sleeping bags. Ida Marie hugged karolina and said she was sorry. "It's not your fault sweetie. I was just dreaming about a mean old spider. I could never be mad at you. Sleep tight you two,see you in the morning." And she kissed them both goodnight.
They played cards again, even thoguth it got late she wanted to continue. jean Marie said she was going to bed, although Karolina begged her not to. She said "I can't go to sleep." Gary said
"Mistake number on friend. You can't stay awake forever, because you are afraid of nightmares. they can't hurt you, only scare you. There is nothing to fear, but fear itself, especially in nightmares. That is what fear can do to you, it wants you to be afraid till it breaks you down. You have to face it head on. Parker and I will sit with you until you go to sleep."
"That won't work either."
"Ok then we'll watch you while you sleep, we'll wake you when you start having nightmares, before they wake you. You don't mind do you parker?"
"Of course I don't. You get ready for bed."
She left to change for bed and when she was ready she sat in the bed, that Jean Marie and Gary had before. she called to them that she was ready. Parker sat on the bed with her and drew her head down to his chest. He rubbed her back and Gary took the chair beside the bed. {arker began to sing lowly to her and soon she drifted off to sleep.
Gary was tired but he wanted to keep his promise, but he caught himself drifting ogg in the chair and laid his head back on the back of it. Parker had stopped singing. Several times she had woke the from dozing. She was tossing and turning moaning out loud. He moved her so she could lay flatter and still in his arms, he assured her he was still there with her.
Gary heard her cry out for Mr. Peabody to help her. they couldn't figure that out. Mr. Peabody was curled up on the bed beside her. Parker kissed the top of her head and said/ "I love you, I'll always love you, no matter what." Her arms tightened across him and she whispered "Met too Mr. Peabody take me away."
Tony wokre her it was morning and he was jumping up and down on the bed. She jerked him fown and tickled him and they wrestled around for awhile. Parker was wishing he could get throught to her, but he knew it wouldn't be easy. When Tony left the room he kissed her sodtly and said "I love you honey, and whenever you are ready I'll help you through it."
"I know but I just can't talk about ti. Thanks for being with me last night."
"I'll be with you whenever you want me to be."
He pulled her against hims and said "We can do anything we want, when we want. But first you have to reach out for help, from whoever you can. I jsut wish it would be me."
"So do I. I'm mixed up believe me. I want to be around you and Tony but I can't face the consequences."
"They will only be good ones."
"Don't push me please."
"I don't intend to honey. I just want to assure youwhatever it si, we'll work it out. The sooner you face it, the quicker you will get over it. It's not going to change my loving you."
"I wish I could believe that."
"You can it's true, honest you'll see, just trust me."
"not now, I can't."
After breakfast reluctantly everyone started getting their things together to leave. Karolina mentioned she was glad they had inivited her. They promised it wouldn't be the last time. When they loaded up the car, Tony said he wanted to ride with Ida Marie so parker agreed. he was surprised to see Karolina put ehr bags in his truck and they waved goodbye to the others. He helped her into his truck and kissed her lightly and started the truck and they followed.
They didn't say much until they got closer to town, she was content resting her head on his shoulder. He patted her thight and felt her jerk at his touch. he took his hans away and put his arm around her. Pulling her closer and saying "I hope you will see Jeannie, since she is a woman and works with rape victems. And I wish you would let Gary and I help you. But she has to be the first."
"I'll see her I promise."
"thanks sweetheart." He took her to her car at Gary's and picked up Tpny. He kissed her goodbye and watched her pull away. Before going to bed that night Karolina read some more in her diary, curled up beside Mr. Peabody.
Aug 6: I finally slept only to have Hilda to wake me with breakfast. My door was left u nlocked so I could wander downstairs. The children were glad to see me, but asked why I was so sad. I could not bear to tell them what their father had done to me. We couldn't go outside todiay the doors were locked. So we jsut played games and I picked out some songs on the piano. All in all I had to make the best of the worse. I was thankful enough that I didn't have to see him.
Aug. 17: It has been ten days since I have seen either men. It has been rather nice even if we couldn't go outside, and play. The children say thier daddy is away on business and due home tommorrow, Friday. Neither seemed too happy about it.
18: Hilda was busy all day cleaning and cooking. Everyone except me were preparing for his return. Stavy said he would bring presents. Over dinner he talked about the city he was in and he would take us there soon for a vacation.
The presents came after dinner. I was excited until I saw mine was a short silky nigtgown. I felt sick at the idea of what it was for. Just when I htought he would leave me alone he came again. I had never heard of what he made me do tonight, I hated it. After putting on the nightgown he made me take down his pants and put my mouth on that. I didn't want to but he pulled my hair and forced my head down to it and he told me what to do.
I gagged and had to stop to wipe my eyes. He yelled at me to like it if I knew what was best for me. I did try but all I wanted to do was throw up. he tired of my efforts and yanked me away, slapping my face. Then he told me to learn how to please him. Crying and begging him to leave me alone he threw me down on the bed and hurt me again. But he didn't finish the same way. He only messed up my belly cussing me as he did. And he slapped me before he left. All I could do was curl up and cry.
19:I was left alone in my room and I saw the car with him and the children leaving. That night he came again, but he took me to another room, his room. It was too big like mine, but I was glad to be out of mine. This time he was really nice to me, holding me like daddy use to do. I even imagined it was him for awhile. he kissed me that was nice and he played with my hair. He told me he loved me and never meant to hurt me. If I would be nice to him, he wouldn't have to hurt me, After all he said I was his wife and should act like one.
He soothed me and was being nice. I actuallly didn't mind this time. I tried to do it right, and I must have been doing something good. He didn't yell or hit me. It felt strange when he kissed me down there. Well what he did I didn't want him to stop it felt good for a change. then he was on top of me and made me feel good this time, it was a nice feeling. I told him I liked it, he seemed to like that so I told him many times.
It was nice and I felt all tingly inside and he felt it too, He pushed harder into me and groaned, the pressure made me hollar and squirm under him. But then it felt good again. Then he rested again and said "Little Susie I love you." When I asked him later to do it again he laughed at me, and went to sleep.
20: We got to go outside today back to the lake and had a picnic there all of us. Nosey Jonesey and even Hilda came. I am lonely tonight this time I wish he would come. I liked what he had done, but I hate him.
28: I can't wait to write this dream down. I dreamed about I was locked in this room begging to be free. When my door opened and in stepped a dark haired man who picked me up in his arms and told me "No one will hurt you sweetheart." And he carried me out of the house and away for good. But I couldn't tell who he is, I didn't recognize him.
Karolina woke to the alarm going off, she stretched the stiffness out of her and took a long hot shower and prepared for work. After feeding Mr. Peabody she drove to work, anxious to get back to it. They were very busy through lunch and around two she came out of the bathroom and nearly ran right into Parker. He steaded her and kissed her cheek and asked. "How are you sweetheart?" She remembered her hero had called her that too. Parker had also said no one would hurt her. She blushed and said "I'm ok I missed you."
"Good I missed you too sweetheart."
"I bet you call all the girls that."
"No you're the only one."
"Not even your wife?"
"No honest."
She got them some coffee and he said he ws meeting Gary here for something. They chatted a few minutes and she had a cutomer. When she was free she went to join them. jean Marie ahd joined them and she said. "Gary wants you to come over and meet Jeanie tonight. We can order pizza for dinner."
"I don't know I have laundry to do." Parker said.
"You promised."
"Well allright I guess it can wait. What time do you want me there?" Everyone agreed on six and Parker told her he would pick her up.
She had enough time to shower and do one load of laundry before he came. She was hanging up the last ones whwen he came in and helped her. whille she hung them in her room he waited on the couch. He noticed a cigarrette butt in the ash tray. Looking into her room he asked "Are you smoking seetheart?"
"Of course not why do you ask?"
"Are you seeing someone else?"
"Parker no!"
She pushed past him going into the living room and he said "Then where did this come from. She stared blankly at the butt he was holding and said "I don't know, where did you find it?" He pointed to the ash tray and she stared at it. She was remembering the other one she found on the window sill. She went to the window staring out the window and said "Maybe the Super left it, he has the new key. I think he fixed my sink while we were gone." She felt the chill and rubbed her ar,s as she stared into the vacant window across the way. Parker pulled her away and they went out the door locking it, and she forgot the matter.
She met Jeannie and they all ate pizza and she really liked her, but she was a cop too. She didn't think she should trust her either. They went to the living room and Gary said they were going out for ice cream and leave the two alone. Karolina stopped Parker and was looking worried. Things kept coming to mind, what if she worked for him too and she forced her to leave with her. But she could always come back for her.
Parker kissed her hands and told her she would be allright. She had to trust him, she really felt she could. They left and jeannie filled her in on some clinics for rape victims, and the support they gave. "First of all did you know him?"
"Yes, but not very well." She answered.
"A friend, co-worker, family member, maybe a date rape?" She shook her head to them all. "I don't know much about him, it hapened a long time ago. And it happens over and over in my mind."
"That's natural, you can't get over it over night. Rape is a big trauma for anyone at any age. Gary told you that you had nothing to fear but fear itself right?" Karolina nodded her head and she continued. "You can learn to fight the nightmares about it. I can teach you through therapy and it wil help. Don't be afraid to sleep, even if you have to stay with someone. You'll learn to fight the nightmares fi you think about good thoughts."
"Well there hasn't been many of those either."
"Oh but I think you're wrong. What about the cabin, didn't you have fun there?" She nodded her head yes as Jeannie continued. "And Parker, I bet he makes you feel good doesn't he?" Again she nodded yes. "When he kisses you it makes you feel good right?"
"Sometimes unless I think about, you know." Jeannie patted her knee and said "Don't only think about the present. Its' the only way to put the past behind you. When it happens push that thought out of your mind, open your eyes. No matter what you have heard it isn't wrong to kiss with your eyes open, maybe weird. But look at him and know it's him kissing you.
"I bet when he touches you youdon't feel threatened do you ? You aren't afraid of him raping you are you?"
"No I trust him, he would never hurt me. But sometimes I don't like the touch and it makes me remember." She turned her head a moment and Jeannie said. "Tell him, Parker is a wonderful man very generous and carinng. I think if would do anything for you. If he thought he was hurting you and making you remember something, he would stop whatever he was doing and fix it."
"Jean Marie and Gary they worry about you too, they wil help you anyway they can." She looked at her and stared as she said. "He's a cop."
"Right and cops help people in trouble and put the bad ones away."
""Not all of them do."
"I admit there are some bad cops, but not GAry or me. Trust thats most important for anyone. Is this guy still around?"
"I hope not."
"You don't know where he is then?"
"No I don't>"
"Well there are other rapist in this world, but aren't you afraid otherwise. did he do more than rape you?"
Karolina got up off the couch and paced the floor thinking. I can't tell anyone they will think I am trash and never believe me anyway. jeannie asked "Didn't he hit you?"
"I don't want to answer anymore questions." She said nervously.
"Ok you don't have to." she wrote her phone number down for her and the address fo the clinics and said "Take this and call me. Even if it's in the middle of the night, and I'll come over and talk with you. There's a meeting Wednesday morning I'll pick you up if you like."
"I have to work."
"I'm sure Charles will let you off an hour. We'll be back before the lunch hour hits. she nodded her agreement and pocketed the paper.
The gang came in the door with a bang and Tony handed her a milk shake, she thanked him and took a sip. parker kissed her cheek asking "You ok?" She nodded and Jeannie said goodnight to all and left. After she finished her shake he asked her was she ready to leave. He took Tony home first and then her. Once inside her apartment she went through the rooms checking, and used the excuse she was looking for Mr. Peabody.
Parker pulled her to the couch and she rested her head on his shoulder. "Who are you afraid of?" She sat up and tapped him on the chest saying, "No one silly. Just myslef I guess. Are all cops trustworth and reliable? I mean I've seen movies about bad cops, and I wondered about them"
"Yes there are some bad cops around who take bribes. Probably a few right here in Chicago. But Gary runs a tight ship, he has to. All those on his force are reliable good men. They are out there to protect and serve, like they all should be. Gary is a good man, you can trust him with anything."
"Well I'll be sure and call on him, if I ever have a problem."
Parker soon left and she prepared for bed. She began reading again.
19-23: I've been alone in my room again.
24: The children and I had a good time playing today and singing songs. I don't mind it anymore when they call me momma.
25: We got to go into town for the first time since I have been here. I was warned I would pay dearly if I tried to leave. I had wanted toi a long time ago. But I was happy now and had no place to go. And since he was nice now I had no reason to go. He kissed me in the car and ran his hand up my dress but I pushed him away, because of the children. We all got new clothes and nightgowns. But some of mine were way to revealing to suit me. But I didn't mind, and I waited in my prettiest one for him, but he didn't come.
26: Hilda brought me in a box and inside were books of naked women and men doing the things I didn't like to do. I hid them away embarrassed. But later I took them out again, wanting to see what they held.
27: I spent all the day and night alone again. I couldn't help but I was drawn to look at the books. One in particular of a woman tied to the bed posts. She looked so scared of what would happen to her. The whole book was full of that and some worse. Like some were in chains, one masked man holding something that looked like a strange penis object. i couldn't stand that book and hid it away.
Aug 29: Last night was horrible, it started out nicee with him rocking me again, and stroking my hair and telling me he loved me. He called me Susan since I had told him I hated Susie. Being nice didn't last long, when he didn't like what i done he slapped me and threw me on the bed. he tied my hands and legs apart, just like in those books. I was scared and begged him to let me go, he only hit me harder. When I failed him he shoved something hard and cold inside me, all the time pinching my breasts, that had really grown.
He still failed physically, but he didn't seem to care now. He took his pleasure in watching me fight. when I grew tired of fighting I tried to relax by imagining my hero from my dream.
It seemed to work for me,because I put this sight out of my mind. I believe I had one of those feelings like before. the kind I read about in those books. Because It felt good and I liked it. A hard slap of realitiy brought me back and his laughter ran through my head as he plunged that in me over and over. He was laughing and calling me a bitch and whore, because I liked it. he kept on until I cried begging him to stop and he finally let me go to my room.
30: He is gone today I secretly hoped he'd never come back. But I wouldn't let the children know that, they loved their horrible father.
Sept 17: Everything has been just great. The only time I see him is at dinner and we hardly look at each other. No one knows I guess but me and this book. I think of ways to escape this mad house. At night I dream about my hero carrying me away. I even put a face to him, one from one of those nicer magazines He tells me he loves me, and never touches me the way Jackson does, I really like that.
Sept 18- Dec. 5: The pages are filled with pleasure of being with the children and ansd beginning to prepare for Christmas, and of happy times alone.
Dec 6: Soon it will be my third Christmas without my real parents. The children are anxious and making lists. I am encouraged to do the dame. It is difficiult for me beacuse our past Christmas were so sparce. Momma never had enough money for decorations and toys. But we always had a gift apiece under the straggly tree. That was before daddy changed jobs.
This house is decorated fully in every room, since I am free to run the house as a Mistress should. I have chosen decorations for our individual rooms, and requested our own personal trees. To my surprise this was joyfully granted with small trees.
He had been so kind to me lately and said "Anything to make you happy little one, decorate it to your desires." We made popcorn strands for the homemade decorations that I remembered making at home. The prettiest of course stands in the huge living room. but in my heart I know mine is perfect. It is just like the one I would have if I was home and momma and daddy and Carolyn were still alive.
7: We began singing Carols tonight and when I asked if we could go out to the neighbors singing as we often did back home he laughed.
8: I was allowed to grace his presence in town as his wife should buying presents for the children. I hated the clothes he made me wear. I wore a really short tight red dress and really tall heels that I had trouble walking in. Also I had to wear that awful red lipstick. The same kind that if I forgot it he reminded me of it.
(: WE shopped again today finally agreeing on our purchases, because I wanted simple things. In his demanding voice he boomed. "Money is no object for my family. I want the best for all of iyou." That family included Nosey Jonesey and Hilda, who I liked anyway. So I spent money that wasn't mine and enjoyed putting on airs. Of course people looked at me, he said it was only because of my beauty. But as pretty as I looked in fancy clothes that he lavished on me, I still feel dirty inside.
10: It snowed today and we built snowmen. Even Nosey Jonesey got in the middle of a snowball fight. Today still playing outside I was cold and got in the big car behind the wheel. I stared at all the controls and wondered if I could really start the thing. Then I wondered if I got it started if I could even drive away for good.
The door opened and Jonesey was yellin "Don't even think about it little one. If you could drive, we would still find you. You are better off here with us and you know it" I explained I was only getting in out of the cold, but he dragged me out anyway.
12: I loved the freedom of being outside so I always found things for us to do there. Just for my satisfaction I went to the car again to look it over. But the doors were locked, they all were. I started crying, I knew I would never be free from here. He asked me why i was in tears when I returned to the fun. I only told him it was my time of the month, knowing he would stay away for awhile longer.
13: My hero came again last night, of course only in my dreams. Today I dreamed it was him, instead of the man I hated. I also dreamed the children were ours and we were happy. Of course it was just a dream that would never come true.
20: I told the children about the Fairy Tale about the Princess locked in the tower. And about the Prince who came to take her away. With the help of her long golden hair he climbed up to get her and they escaped. Kacey spoke up as she fingered my long dark curls. "Like your hair momma?" He looked angry and yelled at them to go to bed.
Soon I was awakened from my sweet sleep as he told me to come to his room. I tried to hug him in hopes he would be nice to me, but he was really mad. He shoved me on the bed ripping my gown off me. He used the shreds to tie me up. I begged him not to saying "I'll do anything just don't." That thrilled him more. He scared me as he traced the blade of a knife across my tender skin. While he done that he called me trash and a whore. He said if I ever escaped him he would hunt me down and cut me into tiny pieces.
He held the knife at my throat all the time he used his different evil toys on me. When he found out it pleasured me, he hurt me more. Sometimes he used two at once, one in the front and one in the back. He wouldn't stop until he had me screaming and begging him to stop. Then he let me go, and kissed me goodnight and let me go back to my room.
21: Hilda came this afternoon with scissors in hand and said he had ordered her to cut my hair. I told her since I was her mistress I ordered her not to. But she got distressed and cried saying we both must obey his orders. I knew not what her consequences would be, but I didn't dare defy him. I think she cried as much as I did when those curls momma and I had been so proud of hit the floor. We had brushed them for a long time every night, and I had continued. How can one say he loves me so much, be so cruel to hurt me anyway he can?
The next day at work she was on break and looking out into the busy street. She was thinking back to what she had the night before. she felt her long hair now that had grown a lot since she had been gone. She remembered the words "I'll hunt you down, wherever you go." She stared at every face that passed the diner window. she knew sooner or later he would find her, just like before. The time she had gone home, he had made it harder on her than he had before. she had no intentions of going back.
But she still looked around every corner and behind every bush. she expected it any to, to find him standing in front of her. She shivered the htought away, hoping it would never be. She wondered if she should run again, but she wasn't ready to go yet. She also wondered if she told Gary the wole truth, if he would be able to keep her away from him. she knew he couldn't, no one could keep him from her, if he came after her.
A voice and a hand shook her and gto her attention. At first she drawed back to sheild herself. Then she saw Jean Marie smiling at her and saying "Welcome back to earth. You ok?" she nodded a yes.
"Parker is on the phone and wants to speak to you." she walked away to the phone at the counter thinking dear sweet Parker. If he only knew he would never want her in his life.
Parker wanted to see if she needed anything before he went to practice with the band. When she said no he asked would she like to come later when they performed. She declined saying she shopping to do before going home and things to do before th meeting. He reminded her not to miss it whatever she done, and to call him if she needed anything.
After he shift ended she went to the mall and done some serious shopping with Jean Marie. she bought new jeans and shirts and a couple of nice dresses. Jean Marie asked had she won the lottery or something, to be spending so much. She just shrugged her shoulders. Her purchases were quiet reasonable she thought. Jean Marie was buying nightgowns for the hospital and she held up a real sheer sexy one asking Karolina didn't she like it. "Maybe if you and Parker get married you could buy one like this." She held up a short red lacy one and Karolina said. "I don't think so." And walked away from them looking at more dresses.
She parted ways with her and stopped off at the market for some food and cat food. It was late and she was trying to hurry. There wasn't many people in the store that time of night. she was tired and ready to go home. When she got her groceries in the car, and tried to start it it wouldn't start. All it would do was click. She knew she ahd a hard time getting it started earlier at the restaurant and the mall.
Gee this is just great she thought, this is all I need now. She tried it again, still no luck. Looking around the empty lot she thought about walking home. it was really to far to walk, and she didn't like that idea at all. she started to shake, she told her not to start now. She tried the car again and nothing happened. looking around for a pay phone, and spotting one she dialed Parker's number, getting the answering machine.
Hanging up without leaving a message,, and dialing Jean Marie's number. No one was there either, then she remembered she was picking up Ida Marie, and Gary was working late. she rested her head on the telephone stand and thought. Think, what was the name of the bar where Parker was at. she was getting frustrated before she found the number in the phone book. By the time she made them hear her ask to speak to him, telling them he was with the band she was crying. the waitress who answered said she thought the band had left but she would check for him.
She was crying and her eyes were burning when she finally decided to hang up, thinking he was gone. But before she hung up the phone she heard him ask "Yes who is it?"
She cleared her throat and choked out "Karolina," So relieved to hear him.
"Hi sweetheart, what's worng?"
"I can't...." she gulped back a sob
"Calm down what is it?"
"The car, I'm stuck I don't know what else to do." He asked her where she was and then told her to calm down and wait inside the store for him. "You'll be allright inside. I'll be there as soon as I can, don't leave."
"Thanks Parker
She tried to calculate how long it would take him, but her mind wouldn't work. She looked around her and then went inside. They were closing up, she did manage to persuade the night manager to let her wait inside while she waited for help, until they got their paperwork done. She paced the floor looking at her watch every five minutes, getting more nervous and sishing he would hurry up. The manager insisted he had to lock the door and set the alarms but he agreed to wait with her till Parker arrived. But he got there before he finished locking up.
She ran over to him anxious to be close to him. He tried the car and got the same response. "We'll let it sit until tommorrow, I'll take you home." They got her things out of the trunk and into his truck and he helped her in. He noticed she was shaking before he got the truck started. He pulled her into his arms to calm her saying. "It's just a starter calm down." And he drove her home.
They carried her things in and put away the groceries and fed the cat. She was taking out her clothes and looking them over. Holding up her dress Parker said "I really like that one. How about me and you go out on a regular date Thursday? We haven't officially dated. It will give you a chance to wear that, dinner dancing the whole works." She hesitated and then said "You know I really don't care for dancing."
"You do with me remember?"
"Well ok. Do you know a good garage to fix my car?"
"I'll fix it in the morning it's just a starter. I'll pick one up and have it on in no time."
"I don't want you to go to that much trouble."
"I want to."
She wrote him a check leaving the ammount blank to pay for the parts and gave him her keys. And took her clothes to put them away. It was getting late she was sure he wanted to go home. Before joining him in the living room she stopped at the window again. Looking out wondering why she was so drawn to it ever time she passed it. There were no lights and no movemntes coming from over there. But she felt the sense someone was watching her, and she felt that chill again. The chill of something evil and sinister lurking behind those curtains.
Parker hugged her startling her and she jumped. Then she turned and snuggled in his arms relaxing. He led her to the couch and asked "What's bothering you?"
"Tommorrow I guess. Maybe I shouldn't go. You know maybe I shouldn't go. I've changed a lot thanks to you. I can work out the rest of it." He patted her thigh this time she didn't jerk away or didn't notice and said. "Sweetheart you've dealt with this a long time and still haven't worked it out. You need to go to counseling."
"All they're going to do is talk about peoples problems and offer solutions. Jeannie said all you had to do was listen if you wanted to. I'd go with you, but there's no men allowed, Jeannie will be with you. Talk never hurt anyone right?"
"I guess not."
"Thats my girl. Now you go get some sleep I need to go home." She panicked a minute and then got up pacing the floor, torn between tiredness and fear. He turned her around making her look at him and said. "How about I sleep on the couch again. I'll take you to work, and fix your car, and pick you up." She smiled and hugged him whispering "Thanks."
She got him a blanket and pillow from her closet and told him goodnight. She prepared for bed, but couldn't rest. She finally got up and walked into the living room. Glancing out the window again she saw nothing. She looked at Parker laying on the couch shirtless and she wished she could feel the way other people felt that they called love. But her ideas of love were destroyed a long time ago.
But here was somene she trusted with her life. She just wished she could trust him with her heart and body. But she didn't ever think that would be. But she likes his kisses and hugs, maybe if they had sex she could forget those other things. Maybe it would be different with Parker, he was so kind and gentle. Maybe she wouldn't have to face the truth if she gave into him.
Going over to the couch she touoched his shoulder. He jerked up rubbing his eyes and asked "What's wrong?"
"I can't rest." He sat up letting her sit beside him and he put his arm around her she said. "I know you want sex with me>"
"Maybe, but not until you're ready. You have to face your problems first."
"But I want to make you happy."
"You're getting help and over your fears will make me happy, nothing else matters."
"Maybe it would help me if we did."
"There's no rush sex isn't as important to me as you are"
"Don't you want me?"
"More than anything, but I want it right for you."
"Then let's try for us both?" He grinned at her under the dim light from her bedroom and asked "Sure?" She nodded her head raising it for a kiss.
He kissed her softly and tenderly and she ran her hands across his shoulders. He kissed her harder and passionately. She thought about what Jeannie had told her and made herself realize it was Parker doing this. When he touched her bare back she didn't flinch away. Still kissing her he slid his hand around and cupped her breast. She still didn't stop him.
Kissing her neck and shoulders pushing the top aside to kiss her bare shoulder he said. "I love you with all my heart." He kissed her again and she still let him continue. Still kissing him with a lot of passion she ran her hands down his back. He had unbuttoned her top and pushed it aside and she was laying into the corner of the couch.
She was enjoying him massaging her breasts and breathing harder as he was. He tried hard to control his urge to keep her calm. He couldn't believe he had gotten this far. Kissing her throat and easing kisses down her chest she moaned and arched her back and he kissed one breast. "Oh honey, I love you." and she gasped with pleasure. And he switched to the other one.
She still let him and rubbed her fingers through his hair moaning. He gently and cautiously touched the crotch of her pajamas and she still didn't refuse him. He whispered "Sweetheart?"
"Yes Parker." he kissed her again and slid a hand down inside the band of her bottoms and touched her there. She was still relaxed he rubbed her and she moaned again and parted her legs slightly.